I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
