Where did you get a picture of my penis
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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