i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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