my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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