You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
