My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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