I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
