Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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