I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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