It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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