A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
