I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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