Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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