I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
