a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
