one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You are the jesus of drinking
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
