my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.