I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid