Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?