I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.