So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Barsexuality is the new black.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3