Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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