When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
