All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize