You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
