i just had sex bonerless
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize