ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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