one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize