Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
