I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
