Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
