Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Someone signed my nipple.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
