I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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