I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
