you would pick up someone in the library
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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