I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
