Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
