Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
