Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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