Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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