Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?