ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
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I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER