just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.