i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless