I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.