At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.