At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
