ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
