I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
