so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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