Swine flu. Run for my life!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
