They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
