that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
