wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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