taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
