Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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