I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
