I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
