did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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