you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
