if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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