how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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