Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
