I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's just like the Real World with babies
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I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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