Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
