Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I will be naked everywhere
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
