Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
