one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
