He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
