you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
