tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
