Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
