By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
