I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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